Henry maintains his own category, “Henry Writes,” on Lit Bits and Pieces.
Dear, dear Readers (if you are still out there, and haven’t abandoned Me, yet),
I write today out of great offense, so great that I can no longer keep silent.
Never did I see such a thing coming.
Never could I imagine a thing so, so—demeaning, so insulting.
I am, in fact, still in a state of utter disbelief.
I am not even sure I can bring Myself to voice it. My toenail trembles so against the keys as I type this that I continually have to backspace to correct My errors (if only My forepaws had the span and flexibility of People’s! What I could accomplish if I could use more than one toe at a time!).
I have been told [—shudder!—] that I am . . . I am . . .
—overweight.
[Heavy sigh].
So said the veterinarian immediately upon entering the exam room at my last check-up. The very first words out of her mouth: “How much are you feeding him? He’s going to have to drop some pounds.”
She didn’t even pet Me first, and I have such gloriously silky fur.
My dignity is not merely in shreds. It is entirely evaporated. Gone. Nonexistent.
Poof.
It didn’t really matter what was done to Me after that, as I couldn’t care, so deep was My hurt. I figured My People would surely console Me with a TREAT when we got home, as I work hard to bring out their generous nature and their sympathy. If I am especially winsome, I can usually finagle two TREATS out of them.
But a most egregious fate awaited Me.
My breakfast and dinner were DRASTICALLY REDUCED and I got no TREATS for days! Then, at last, when I saw I was about to receive a TREAT, I momentarily lost My cool (quite striking) head and threw Myself into near-convulsions of ecstasy . . .
Abject disappointment.
Readers, it was the size of a gnat. No, a flea.
This couldn’t possibly be a treat, this barely-existent bit of almost-air.
“Here you go, Boy,” said My She, “it’s just five calories! You can even have another!”
If you aren’t aware, Readers, two times nothing is still nothing.
I am, after all, a strapping, stunning creature in the absolute prime of My life; I give away all the joy and love My being can muster; I do not deserve this treatment.
All because a veterinarian questioned My weight.
I question the validity of that framed diploma in her office.
I will leave it to you, My dear, dear Readers—is this not the most appalling picture of injustice you’ve ever seen?
lit bits and pieces 
Hahaha. I can see your dog talking and writing. I always have been wondered if dogs could fully understand what we tell them, we probably would win the bully trophy. Great perspective. In my writing workshop I have to write a letter to the editor from the point of view of Little Red Riding Hood. You got me inspired!
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I’d so love to read this letter to the editor from Red!
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Just how you imagine a dog would talk about such injustice . So clever and entertaining, but of course won’t pass it on!!
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Sorry about my phone misreading my intention, of course I won’t pass it on is what it should have typed!
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It’s ok – I fixed “course” for you anyway! 🙂
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Haha! The photo at the end cracked me up. Poor Henry. Gotta tell you, Fran, Puck’s fat fanny is pushing me off the bed. He’s breathing has kept me awake all night. It’s 4:00 a.m. here. Don’t tell, but Puck could also stand to lose a few lbs. We humans have foisted our fate on our Fidos!
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Poor Puck! Is he as full of mischief as his Shakespearean namesake? Gracious, you do need your sleep though. I so love this comment & your alliterative parting line.
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Puck is sweet. He was playful and mischievous in his younger years and sacrificed many shoes to teething! Now he’s an aged soul w/ a metal plate in his paw and allergies. He’s the best dog I’ve ever owned.
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Here’s to Puck & Henry, and the layer of extraordinary they bring to our lives.
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Poor Henry! I think you are just right, sir! It’s just winter weight, easily lost in the spring when you can run around a bit more.
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Henry: I thank you, Madam, for saying I’m just right. You restore My shattered self-esteem. Yes, soon I’ll be dashing about the yard; I shall be quite glorious when the weather ever becomes glorious …
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Thank you for the chuckle this morning! Poor Henry! He so perfectly captures ones disappointment with professional opinions. I love the line “ two times zero is still zero”. Tell Henry to stay strong. It is often hard to do what is best for ourselves.
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Love the advice to Henry to “stay strong.” He is doing his best, while trying to recoup his dignity…
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Brilliant! I think I almost choked on my breakfast while reading! Poor Henry! You gave him such life and personality by capturing his thoughts and feelings in words! Such a fun slice! Here’s to loosing a few pounds, Henry! Thanks for sharing!
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Henry’s micro-treat experience is heartbreaking, especially after his spasms of excitement. Poor fella. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for writing!
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So glad you enjoyed reading:) Thanks for the reply!
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What a fun writing idea. This would be a great challenge to do with students too. I especially like the line, “I question the validity of that framed diploma in her office.”
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I laughed out loud! This is the best, and so true.
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Poor Henry. Life is unfair and people not very understanding. I wish you some positive comments and experiences in near future.
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I will try not to laugh and I do feel for Henry. Your picture of the milk bones actually made me laugh as well. My best friend’s brother in elementary school used to steal them from his dog and snack on them himself.
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OH MY, what a slice of life THAT is, a boy snacking on dog treats! The vet said they’re “basically Snickers bars.” Maybe to Henry …!!
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Great post! I had a good laugh and could picture your indignant dog!
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This had me laughing out loud! I love the unconventional capitalization and punctuation. Awesome!
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So glad to know this – thank you!
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I love how you wrote from Henry’s point of view – and kept it going so well throughout the piece. So funny, poor Henry.
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You have the PERFECT pics to prove Henry’s point. Before long, he will be writing a manifesto! This post made me smile- thank you!
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I loved reading from Henry’s pov. I wanted to try this for my ole girl, Ellie. Maybe I can take inspiration from him.
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Do try! I’d love to hear what Ellie has to say. 🙂
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Priceless! This is such a delightful slice, and a great example of point of view.
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I love this. What a great example of thinking about someone else’s perspective. I’m going to print this out and have my kids give it a think during persuasive. Stretch their brains a bit.
Thank you!
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Delighted that you will use Henry’s piece with the kids! I think it would be fun for examining bias and an unreliable narrator as well. Thank you so much for letting me know!
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