The day dawns dark
with sheeting rain
a magnetic pull
to sleep again
increased water vapor
from the brain
a day of rest
oh let it reign
—Franna, I need a Frozen umbrella.
—My friend had a Little Mermaid one but I want a Frozen one.
—I see. Was this your friend in preschool?
—Yes. Before coronavirus.
—Well. We will have to look for a Frozen umbrella, then. To keep you safe and dry when it rains…
She picked it out. It just so happened to come with a little rain jacket.
The week before torrential rains in this long, long hurricane season, in this long, long year.
When I was about her age, my grandmother gave me a ceramic ornament—two children in yellow rain slickers and galoshes hunkered under a big gray umbrella. If I held the base and twisted the top, it played a tune… I knew the lyrics, and sang…
Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Crying’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I’m free
Nothing’s worrying me…
And so the seasons turn, turn, turn, many times over, and here she stands in the autumn of this dreary year, excited for the rain, making her own special brand of magic under a celestial, bright-aqua canopy of love, wonder, and song… I once read that the umbrella is a symbol for power and dignity.
I would say yes, and in this case, absolute joy.
In which I bask.
My heart sings on.
Here in the heart of North Carolina, epic snow and bitter temperatures haven’t been an issue.
We’ve had a different plague.
For nine dark days in a row, it’s rained.
Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain
Small rivers flowing over roads and through parking lots. Yards turned to absolute bogs. Maybe we can raise a bumper crop of Venus flytraps.
The farmers say it’s good for the cows, that continuously pulling their feet up high from so much mud as they walk builds their muscles (is this true? The rain is beefing up the beef?).
Not so for humans. The utter gloom left us in a zombie-like stupor.
Gray day after gray day after gray day . . . .what did the sun even look like? Feel like?
Wait—I remember reading something like this. I first encountered it long, long ago. A story of bad enchantment. . .
“When you try to think out clearly what this sun must be, you cannot tell me. You can only tell me it is like the lamp. Your sun is a dream; and there is nothing in that dream that was not copied from the lamp. The lamp is the real thing; the sun is but a tale, a children’s story” . . . Slowly and gravely, the Witch repeated, “There is no sun.” And they all said nothing. She repeated in a softer, deeper voice: “There is no sun.” After a pause, and after a struggle in their minds, all four of them said together: “You are right. There is no sun.” It was such a relief to give in and say it.
—C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair
How easy to forget there ever was a sun, succumbing to the mind-numbing sound of rain, rain rain, just as Prince Rilian, Eustace, Jill, and Puddleglum fell under the spell cast by the strum, strum, strum of the Witch on her stringed instrument.
Until yesterday, that is, when I heard a sound other than falling water.
Just outside my bedroom window, birds were singing. Merrily.
Despite the pouring rain, on a morning with no sun, they sang with pure zest.
How it lifted my spirits. Surely the sun could not be far from returning. Surely the birds knew it, were proclaiming it ahead of time: This this this too will pass pass pass. This this too will pass pass pass, wait and see, wait and see . . .
Then, today, bit by bit, the grayness lifted. Yellow shafts of light suddenly spilled through the blinds; I ran right outside to revel in the brightness. Now, as the afternoon wanes, shimmering golden fingers are playing across my keyboard, my hands, the table, the walls. I think of a happy child, dancing, full of joie de vivre, joy of living.
Today just so happens to be Sunday.
And now I have a bit of song for you, little harbinger birds:
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right.
Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is falling in mine
Into each heart some tears must fall
But some day the sun will shine
Some folks can lose the blues in their hearts
But when I think of you another shower starts
Into each life some rain must fall
But too much is falling in mine.
Yesterday morning the sun beckoned from among striated clouds, streaking the sky with silver and gold. Birdsong—it’s a brand-new spring. The scent of fresh-cut grass from the day before lingers, and nothing takes me back to my childhood and my father quicker than that sweet green fragrance.
Even as the sun shone, a soft rain pattered down.
In my heart, in the hearts of my community, too much rain is falling.
Yesterday we buried a young lady who grew up here, was one of us, was an only child and grandchild. She was a college freshman, eighteen, a year younger than my second son, his childhood playmate and lifelong friend. She went to church with us all of her life, sang in the choir, and was beautiful. She caught the light and scattered it like a faceted gemstone quietly scatters tiny, vivid rainbows on objects close by.
Death, when it comes suddenly to someone so young and full of promise, can only be likened to a great ripping apart.
She is ripped away.
The church was full and overflowing an hour before the service. People stood around the walls of the sanctuary, packed the fellowship hall, lined every hallway on both sides throughout; a huge crowd waited outside because there was no more room.
My husband officiated. He was at the hospital the day this child was born. He ended the eulogy with a little twist of Shakespeare: “Good-night, sweet princess; and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”
As the crowd walked to the burial site, the sun shone for all it was worth. The clouds were gone; a warm breeze ruffled dresses, suit jackets, hair.
Even so, the rain will fall within us for days and days to come, yet it doesn’t mean that our little suncatcher won’t keep catching and scattering the light in the quiet way she always did. More light than ever is reflected in the myriad drops of rain, like iridescent droplets of diamonds quivering with celebration that she lived, that she was a gift.
She will always be.