
Henry maintains his own category, “Henry Writes,” on Lit Bits and Pieces.
Dear, dear Readers (if you are still out there, and haven’t abandoned Me, yet),
I write today out of great offense, so great that I can no longer keep silent.
Never did I see such a thing coming.
Never could I imagine a thing so, so—demeaning, so insulting.
I am, in fact, still in a state of utter disbelief.
I am not even sure I can bring Myself to voice it. My toenail trembles so against the keys as I type this that I continually have to backspace to correct My errors (if only My forepaws had the span and flexibility of People’s! What I could accomplish if I could use more than one toe at a time!).
I have been told [—shudder!—] that I am . . . I am . . .
—overweight.
[Heavy sigh].
So said the veterinarian immediately upon entering the exam room at my last check-up. The very first words out of her mouth: “How much are you feeding him? He’s going to have to drop some pounds.”
She didn’t even pet Me first, and I have such gloriously silky fur.
My dignity is not merely in shreds. It is entirely evaporated. Gone. Nonexistent.
Poof.
It didn’t really matter what was done to Me after that, as I couldn’t care, so deep was My hurt. I figured My People would surely console Me with a TREAT when we got home, as I work hard to bring out their generous nature and their sympathy. If I am especially winsome, I can usually finagle two TREATS out of them.
But a most egregious fate awaited Me.
My breakfast and dinner were DRASTICALLY REDUCED and I got no TREATS for days! Then, at last, when I saw I was about to receive a TREAT, I momentarily lost My cool (quite striking) head and threw Myself into near-convulsions of ecstasy . . .
Abject disappointment.
Readers, it was the size of a gnat. No, a flea.
This couldn’t possibly be a treat, this barely-existent bit of almost-air.
“Here you go, Boy,” said My She, “it’s just five calories! You can even have another!”
If you aren’t aware, Readers, two times nothing is still nothing.
I am, after all, a strapping, stunning creature in the absolute prime of My life; I give away all the joy and love My being can muster; I do not deserve this treatment.
All because a veterinarian questioned My weight.
I question the validity of that framed diploma in her office.
I will leave it to you, My dear, dear Readers—is this not the most appalling picture of injustice you’ve ever seen?