Even if
the magic
never comes
I still have
the infinite wonder
of your hand
on mine

My granddaughter and I, experimenting with hummingbird feeder rings
Even if
the magic
never comes
I still have
the infinite wonder
of your hand
on mine

My granddaughter and I, experimenting with hummingbird feeder rings
Sunlight
still bright
takes on an amber tinge
the sky
day by day
almost imperceptibly
deepens its blue
still hot
in Carolina
but now she’s rolling up
her blanket of humidity
to put it away at last
there’s the first
tiny delicious trace
of coolness in the breeze
cicada choruses fade
day by day
a vintage time of year
I think to myself
remembering
how September stands
as a paradise paradox
regal in earth’s greatest finery
stitched with threads
of her greatest losses

I’ve dreamed of small children
every night since school started again:
happy smiles, arms held out, so full of love.
Bright dreams.
Waking is stark:
in the second week, a student
aged thirteen
committed suicide
on the middle school campus.
I still see little children
holding out their arms
in my dreams each night
only now I think about
how quickly
bright dreams die.

My beautiful Micah, this is what you are like at ten months old:
noticing everything, babbling (na na na is, in fact, part of Franna)
mimicking, clapping, squealing, discovering your tongue
and crawling down the hall to see where I’ve gone
—I am right here, little beloved, rejoicing.

My beautiful Micah
Summer evening
after dinner
the three of us
are riding home
through the countryside
late-day sun
is amber-bright
when giant raindrops
begin to slap
against the windshield
Raining while the sun shines,
says my husband
from the passenger seat
(I’m in the back;
the boy is driving)
—there’s got to be a rainbow
around here somewhere
The boy makes the left turn
—There it is, he says
wide shimmering bands
hanging in the air
like a gossamer curtain
touching the road
right before us
breathless, we ride
right through it
to find another
and another
just ahead
so many rainbows
gleaming down through
the trees
over the fields
heaven’s glory bending
to caress the earth
a prismatic promise
poured out
all along
our way home

At the end of the rainbow. Mara ~earth light~. CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
I didn’t get photos, alas, but the rainbows touching the road before us yesterday evening happened to be near the spot where my husband and I saw an eagle sitting majestically by the roadside back in early 2019. In this picture the background is dark whereas our scenery was vivid green in the amber-gold light of late day… but there’s an eagle, and the sojourning child carrying solace and security in the form of a teddy bear in a backpack speaks to me.
Something sacred is in this place.
On the first required workday
before school begins
I drive the familiar backroads
once again
dew-drenched pastures
and old weatherboard barns
defy time
they are
their own world
then to my delight
a patch of tangled sunflowers
on the right
must have been growing here
all summer
I didn’t know
I think of Van Gogh
walking the rustic village
of Arles
up ahead, the pond
I scan it quickly
for the great blue heron
and there it is
at water’s edge
nearest the road
big and gray-blue
like a watercolor rendition
so perfect a pose
I feel light
like these are signs
that all will go well
with the work
lying before me
peace becomes strength
in my spirit
in my bones
on the second workday
I see it all again
even the heron
I can always face
the day ahead
whenever I see
the heron
I am so light
I could soar
then on the third day
without warning
orange signs on white gates
say the road is closed
I must detour
no passing the pond
no seeing heron
standing with elegiac grace
in the still water
although I know
it’s there
so on I fly
day after day
going out of my way
to get to where
I need to be
for now at least
I have the sunflowers
Vincent would say
it’s enough
keep painting the day
and the required work
beautiful
around the barriers
until they are gone
that is
the way of it

Coming home; the pond is just ahead but I can’t see it
I waited for you
a long, long time, little girls
my life’s great reward
❤

How I spent my summer vacation:
Joy is too small a word.
It all started last month when I saw one hummingbird in the backyard, out by the pines.
She appeared from nowhere, hovering stock-still in the air across the yard, directly facing my son and me as if to consider what manner of beings we are before she darted away—poof. Perhaps it’s just my overactive imagination, but I felt like some sort of message was in this magical appearing. Something the bird wanted…
I bought a feeder.
In a day or so, I had a bird. Or two.
Then there seemed to be three. All females.
Eventually a male showed up with his gorgeous fiery throat. From a distance he looked like a flying ember. He preferred coming early in the morning or around suppertime. It’s almost like His Tiny Royal Highness was letting his Royal Nectar-Tasters go before him to be sure the stuff wasn’t tainted. I cannot say, however, that he was any match for the females in regard to which was most vicious in the dive-bomber approach of driving all others away from the sugar water.
Hummingbirds are contentious creatures. Terribly territorial.
I’ve learned there’s a scientific reason for this: Their metabolism requires them to feed almost constantly. Hummingbird hearts have been recorded, I read, at 1200 beats per minute.
I bought another feeder.
As of mid-August, there’s a squadron of hummers at my feeders, so much so that the original feeder hanging on the kitchen window has to be refilled daily; I had to buy more sugar. I know that ruby-throats (the only kind of hummingbird that breeds in the eastern U.S.) are supposed to start migrating to central Mexico. The males go first, in early August, which explains their current scarcity, I think. Females wait a while longer. I’ve also read that some hummingbirds stay in residence all year. We shall see… I have learned to recognize some individual females by their different markings: one with black speckles all down her pale breast and belly, one with a pure ivory belly and a brighter, iridescent green back, one with a darker head, one with a lighter head and pale stripe on top, and one with a precious, tiny dot of red at her throat, like a lady bedecked in a ruby pendant. When I opened the blinds one morning last week, there was Little Ruby, hovering in the gray dawn; we were so startled by each other that we both froze for a split second in mutual awe (wonder on my part, likely fear on hers) before she zipped away.
At this point I must mention my grandmother. Hummingbirds and cardinals were her favorite birds, perfect symbolism for a woman named Ruby. I saw my first hummingbird by the spirea bushes in her yard one summer. The loud buzz of the beating wings alarmed me—was this a big bug coming after me?—but Grandma Ruby’s childlike delight quickly allayed my fear. And then there was nothing but enchantment for this tiny, dazzling fairy of a creature, glittering like an emerald, my own birthstone, in the sun.
Perhaps that is why I took my six-year-old granddaughter out with refilled feeders yesterday:
The hummingbirds hide in the crape myrtle and cheep at me whenever I take their feeders down.
They do? Why, Franna?
They just want their nectar. They are saying ‘What are you doing with my food!‘
I haven’t ever heard them cheeping.
Today you will.
And so, for just a moment, I held the favored window feeder out at arm’s length as my granddaughter stood by, very still. Two hummers appeared instantaneously, cheeping competitively before hovering, suspended in the air, eyeing me, uncertain, their whirring wings as loud as electric propeller fans. Each took a tentative drink before whizzing off to the pines out back.
I hung the feeder and my granddaughter said, Quick, let’s go in before all those wings come back!
I chuckled, remembering my first experience with the intimidating sound when I was about her age. We darted for the door. As we entered the house, she said: I heard them cheeping!
And then, before I could reply: Franna, look!
She pointed to the window, where a hummer was perched on the very top of the feeder.

Well, that is something new, I said. I haven’t seen any of them sitting up there before.
My husband, sitting at the kitchen table preparing a sermon, said: That bird was perched on the feeder hanger the whole time you were fixing the sugar water.
I am sure she was one of the two who dared to take a drink when I was holding the feeder.
For the rest of the day, this little bird perched, fed, flew off in skirmishes with other tiny feathered Amazons, and returned. Whenever I looked at the window, she was there, looking in, occasionally fluffing her feathers. I am not sure if she’s nominated herself Queen of This Feeder or if she’s simply curious—hummingbirds are known to be extremely so—and is watching me as I play with my granddaughters and cook supper.
I suppose the ultimate question is who’s observing whom.
And what we are learning about each other in the process.

Didn’t realize, until I reviewed the day’s photos, that I happened to catch her with her tongue extruded. Every minute with hummingbirds filled with absolute wonder. I have christened her Lilibet, the nickname of Queen Elizabeth (since she seems to be reigning over the feeder) and also in honor of my great-aunt Elizabeth, Grandma Ruby’s sister. I wrote about Aunt Elizabeth’s hummingbirds a couple of weeks ago: Solitary existence.
Next goals: 1) Get a good photo of Little Ruby and 2) Invest in hummingbird feeder rings for my granddaughter and me to wear…can we stand still enough for them to come drink from our hands? Will they actually do it?
*******
with thanks to Two Writing Teachers for the weekly Slice of Life Story Challenge
Early 1970s:
My aunt bought a tape recorder
such a modern thing
she had my little sister and I
sing into the thing:
Let me be there in your morning
Let me be there in your night
Let me change whatever’s wrong
and make it right (make it right)
Let me take you through that wonderland
That only two can share
All I ask you-ou-ou–ou
is let me be there ..
We giggled
and felt so grown-up
singing the soul-felt words
of such
a beautiful
person
we knew
and believed
every word….
If you love me, let me know
if you don’t, then let me go
I can’t take another minute
of a day without you in it
If you love me, let it be
if you don’t, then set me free
Take the chains away
that keep me loving you….
Do you remember
how it stormed
on that long-ago morning
and your mother cried
because it was raining
on your wedding day?
I do.
Do you remember
that the ceremony
was over
in ten minutes
(my aunt looked at her watch)?
I do.
Do you remember
how hot it was during
the eternal photographing
(especially having to wear
a black tux with tails
in August)
and how much you hated
that part?
I do.
Do you remember
my going-away outfit
that my mother made
from sky-blue cotton
and how I wore
a big straw hat
with a big white bow
and that just before
we said our good-byes
she took off
her double-strand
pearlescent beads
and put them
around my neck?
I do.
Do you remember
as we drove away
from family and home
and childhood
toward all our new tomorrows
that the rain had stopped
and the sun had come out
and the clouds pillared
up from the horizon before us
like backlit rosettes
on wedding cake
and you said it was
all in celebration of
our just being married?
I do.
I remember it all
nearly four decades
two sons and
two granddaughters
later.
Even the clouds
in their radiant array
seem to remember
today.
While marriage
is sometimes
more blister
than bliss
I can tell you this:
I lift my eyes
to the eternal skies
with a heart
full of wonder
and gratitude
that ours has grown
deeper and richer
each day
since we vowed
I do.

The cover of our wedding album:
“God has created your spirits with wings to fly in the spacious firmament of Love and Freedom.”
—Kahlil Gibran

Excerpt from our wedding album, in a space commemorating the first anniversary.
I wrote, at age twenty-one: “We can’t believe it’s been a year since we’ve been married, but it’s been a happy one and a good one and God has indeed blessed us well – may He bless us for many years to come and let our marriage grow deeper and richer each day.”

—God has.