Dust motes

Dust motes

Dust. ZoiKorakiCC BY

Last week I had the pleasure of co-facilitating my district’s third annual Teacher Summer Writing Institute. K-12 teachers were invited to deepen their sense of identity as writers, hone their craft, and experiment with form. Guest author Matt de la Peña led us through a series of writing explorations on Day One.

Here’s how it went for me as de la Peña used this exchange from “Steady Hands at Seattle General,” a short story by Denis Johnson, as a springboard for capturing images: 

“What about your past?”
“What about it?”
“When you look back, what do you see?”
“Wrecked cars.”

What might those two words mean, de la Peña muses aloud for the benefit of participants. 

“Wrecked cars?” Might they be literal or figurative? 

He goes on: Choose two words to create an image describing your past—when you look back, what do you see? 

At first I wrote ‘Christmas trees’. When I look back, I see them. From my grandmother’s all-silver, 1960s tabletop tree to my real Fraser fir decked in Victorian decor. Christmas trees mean another year is ending. That life and perspectives change continuously. To me they symbolize more than tradition. They mark time. Eras. Celebrations. Losses. Our children grow up; grown-ups from our own childhood pass away . . . between chapters of the unfolding story of life stands a tree.

When I look back, I see it all.

Suddenly I don’t want to use those words, Christmas trees.

In that instant, two other words materialize: 

Dust motes. 

I do not know why.

Except that I can clearly see the image of my childhood living room, a shaft of light between the drawn curtains of the picture window, the dust floating there, tiny specks of gold— 

He’s speaking, de la Peña. Asking if any of us would share our two words.

After a moment, I volunteer. 

“Dust motes?” he questions.  “I’ve not heard this before. I’m curious—why?”

Well,” I say, thinking as I speak, “it’s the image that came to mind, a shaft of light with dust specks floating in it . . . maybe because as a child I spent much time to myself, reading, in the stillness, in silences . . . when I look back, that’s what I see. Dust motes being partly your own skin. Shed cells. Pieces of yourself floating in that light . . . “

His expression is unfathomable. 

He says: “That’s fascinating and eerie. It lends itself to something really creepy . . .”

I consider this a compliment. 

De la Peña shares a model, “What Jimmy Remembers” from Jimmy & Rita by Kim Addonizio (2012):

Girls in white stockings and checkered wool jumpers, round white collars, red bows at their throats. Birds in Saint Christopher’s schoolyard—hundreds of them, black, spread out across the lawn in late afternoon. The brick wall of the steel mill on Dye Street he could see from the living room window, his father in there working, his mother in a shiny black dress coming in at dawn after singing in some nightclub, waking him for school. Shivering and dressing over the heating vent in the front hall. Dark-blue blazer and black shoes. A puppy that died of distemper, put in a shopping bag and into a can in Bushler’s Alley. Cotton candy on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights, the barkers calling Hey bub, Hey sonny, Buster, Skip, You. . .The black hearse carrying his father through the snow, a semicircle of metal folding chairs. The green faces in avocado leaves smiling down at him. God in the clouds. Who art in Heaven. His mother, ghost now: wearing a stolen mink, flipping a cigarette from a deck of Lucky’s. His father moving toward her with a match, cupping his palms around the flame.

—All images, fragments, this bit of microfiction.

“Now, using your two words as a title, take a few minutes to write what you remember from your past, but here’s the challenge: Don’t mention those two words in your scene,” says de la Peña. “Don’t worry about proper sentences. Just write . . . “

My pencil is already scratching away against the notebook paper: 

Hand-me-down corduroy Levi’s in baby blue, green, tan, cream. Ashtrays overflowing. Trips in aging Fords to buy discounted boxes of Salem menthols. Complimentary bubblegum cigarettes. A screen of smoke in the air mingled with chicken grease. Ivory Liquid suds in the sink, stiff, dry, stained with spaghetti sauce. Bathroom wall by the tub caving in where a soap dish used to be. The biting scent of Pine-Sol as it’s poured in the toilets, rolling white like smoke, clouding the water like creamer in coffee. Vaporizer in my bedroom, rattling, sputtering. The hallway, broom leaning against the wall, a gathered pile of gray lint.  Bullet in the living room rug, in the floor, if you know where to look. Books. Books. Books. Silences. Shafts of light through the picture window, beckoning from beyond. The wrought-iron lamppost by the concrete steps leading to and from the front door, the heavy, decadent fragrance of my mother’s gardenias in various stages of living and dying on the bushes there. Church carillon chiming, loud and clear, from several blocks away: Let me hide myself in Thee. The pungent whiff of crab from the factory, if the wind is just right. Salt. Salt. On my baked potato, tin foil too hot to touch, on my popcorn, on the wind. The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind. Words and words in my head and my heart, pouring onto stacks of pages that are always able to hold it all, and which never judge, which just absorb, and save.

There you have it. Dust motes. What I see when I look back, at least in part.

With apologies to Matt de la Peña, for while I didn’t use “motes” anywhere in my remembering, there was just no getting around “dust.” 

But also with deepest thanks to him for creating the conditions for this writing to occur.

Which is what good writing teachers do.

28 thoughts on “Dust motes

  1. So much to think about in this post. As always, visiting your blog is good for my soul. And how incredible that your district focuses on writing K-12, that you lead it and that Matt de la Pena was there! Just incredible all around.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Kevin. What’s really fun is seeing how teachers rated themselves as writers and teachers of writing at the beginning of the week, and how much higher at the end. Spike in confidence. We wrote a lot. I rejoiced the entire time, truly.

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  2. “Creating conditions for writing to occur” – “which is what good writing teachers do” – love this!
    This piece gives a glimpse into your process with Matt as your guide. I am always fascinated by the journey a word or two words can take in the mind. This is a reminder that the discovery aspect of writing can be energizing and help to push a writer forward. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Thank you for sharing this writing guidance from Matt de la Pena…it seems like an excellent tool to get the writing juices flowing, as your own writing passage reveals. I totally remember “Ivory Liquid suds in the sink, stiff, dry, stained with spaghetti sauce” – you took me back to my own childhood with that line! And that bullet in the carpet – yes, you are onto something eerie! Thanks for this!

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  4. Wow. I love this setup for a stream-of-consciousness remembering. I couldn’t help myself, though, after reading de la Pena’s comment about dust motes being creepy…your paragraph conjured creepy scenes in my mind, a la “The Shining”. Especially the bullet reference…so many details for a good story(ies) here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Jen, for your words – I love this opportunity and hope the district will keep it going. Here’s the first thing Matt said to us (you might enjoy using it, in your work with teacher-writers): “Revision is EVERYTHING.” He read us some lines from his books prior to publication and said they made him want to vomit (!!).

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  5. Lovely opportunity to mine memories. What a treat to have Matt de la Pena on hand to guide the writing and thinking. You are lucky to have a district willing to invest in a Teacher Summer Writing Institute. And you were the co-facilitator. I love reading your words and would love the opportunity to write with you too. Oh, I liked your words about Christmas trees too! “…between chapters of the unfolding story of life stands a tree.”

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    • What fun we would have writing together-! And I am so glad that line struck a chord with you – I could almost see all the trees of all my Christmases standing like bookmarks in pages … but somehow it felt too heavy to write. Although I did kind of write it, too.

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  6. I could see the dust motes in my own childhood living room. Many of your memories are similar to my own. The smoke, the candy cigarettes, Ivory soap suds . . .I was ready to read about the blue bathroom tile and had visions of my own childhood bathroom. I did wonder how the bullet got there and I hope you’re able to write that part of your story some day. Your writing is powerful and what an amazing opportunity your district has provides.

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    • I am amazed by how these images take others back to their childhoods! It’s fascinating. Thank you for this response to my writing. I do plan to write that bullet story soon …

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  7. What a great writing exercise.One of the things I liked best about going through a writing institute and then facilitating two was that it really helped me expand my writing and look at things in new and different ways. It is wonderful that your district places such a high value on teachers of writing be writers themselves.

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  8. What a beautifully-written post! I can’t help but notice that all my visions of dust motes take me back to childhood, and that brings an eerie calm. Perhaps it’s the innocence of it all, just floating by? Mine are mostly in my Grandparents’ living room. I can smell that carpet now. Your writing takes readers to a deep connection and reflection, and that is so powerful! I, too, look forward to the bullet story!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m awed by your response here, that the post took you back to your childhood and your grandparents’ home; our brains seek to connect meaning & experiences, I think… bullet story coming soon and thanks so very much for these words!

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  9. I bet Matt de la Pena was stunned that he had such a gifted writer in his midst. You never cease to amaze me. I will try the two word memory trigger.
    I see Christmas trees all bright and glittery turning to an ephemeral dust as time passes and children grow up. well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Many thanks, Colleen. I love your vision here of the Christmas trees and where it took you – magnificent symbolism. I want to know where the two word memory writing takes you as well – sure to be fascinating and full of surprises! Matt was incredibly encouraging to us all.

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