This week I’m honored to host fellow Spiritual Journey writers who gather on the first Thursday of each month.
In choosing the theme of renewal, I note that one definition of the word is resuming an activity after an interruption. That’s exactly what I’m doing now: writing my first blog post in two months. My blogging life went on hiatus while a lot of other life happened. I spent the summer keeping granddaughters. I returned to work at school in a new role. And my husband, a pastor, slowly succumbed to debilitating back pain. Unable to stand for very long, he’s been preaching while seated in a chair. Surgery was inevitable. Having spent four days in the hospital at the end of October, he’s now home and slowly ‘resuming interrupted activities’ like sitting, standing, and walking, which are, at times, excruciating.
Considering my husband’s journey, I might have chosen the word endurance. He lost an eye to a rare condition in 2015. In 2019, he survived two heart attacks, cardiac arrest, and two subsequent surgeries. He was still convalescing when the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Through it all, something he came to enjoy, and which helped him regain his physical strength, was hiking at a nearby dam. I’d return home from work and he’d tell me: “I saw an eagle at the dam today!”
I started accompanying him on weekends, armed with binoculars and my bird identification apps. We saw (and heard) a wondrous variety of birds, most notably the ospreys with babies in their nest, the great blue heron at the waterfall, and the gorgeous red-shouldered hawk that flew ahead of us in the woods to perch on a low branch, where it stared right back at us, with considerably less awe.
No eagles.
As time wore on, my husband’s back wore out, and there were no more hikes.
When the pain relegated him to preaching from a chair, he finally scheduled the surgery. It was more than he wanted to endure. He was tired of enduring.
Which brings me to the need for renewal.
Circle back with me, for a moment, to the eagles.
A few years ago I had a medical issue which required an outpatient procedure. My husband drove me to the hospital and back home afterward. It was winter; I watched the bare trees and old farm outbuildings whipping by my window when I saw… could it be? A bald eagle sitting, big as life, at the roadside! If I’d been on a bike I could have held out my hand and touched it (theoretically).
I was, however, still woozy from anesthesia…perhaps it was a figment…
But my husband cried out: “That was an eagle!“
He turned the car around.
The eagle might have ignored our passing again, but it grew suspicious when we slowed down. It unfurled its mighty wings and headed for a gnarled old oak.
Call it fanciful, if you like…sighting that eagle reassured me that all would be well with my medical situation.
So it was.
Four months later my husband’s heart stopped; he was resuscitated, with a shattered sternum; he survived emergency stents and bypasses.
He went walking at the dam as rehab. He saw eagles.
Although I’ve looked and looked, I haven’t seen one since that unique roadside appearance.
Until this last surgery.
Our oldest son offered to stay the first night with his dad in the hospital so I could come home and sleep. I was exhausted. I would stay the next night.
Early on the following morning, somewhat rested, I drove back to the hospital. October in the North Carolina Piedmont is breathtakingly beautiful. Along both sides of this particular highway the forest stretches out in a visual paean of orange, red, and yellow. That day, the blazing colors were framed by a brilliant blue, cloudless sky. Our son had texted that his dad had a rough night. We all knew to expect it it; the intensity of post-op pain for spinal surgery is severe. My husband has already been in tremendous pain for so long. He’s already suffered and endured so much…he knew he needed this surgery, but will he have the strength to endure the aftermath?
Will I?
Such were my dark thoughts that bright morning, inching my way back to him in the congested workday traffic, when a solitary bird glided into view in the tranquil blue above the gridlocked cars. A big, dark bird with long, broad wings, white head shining bright in the sun…
It can’t be, I thought. After all the times I’ve tried to see one…that it should be now…I leaned as far as I could toward the windshield, taking advantage of the stopped traffic to stare upward.
It came nearer, sailing with easy grace, low enough for me to see its gleaming white, fan-shaped tail.
No mistaking it.
Isaiah 40:31 came immediately to mind:
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Renewal. An infusion of new strength, sufficient for the day. An assurance of more for the difficult days ahead. These words were originally given by the prophet Isaiah to the Israelites, foretelling the end of their Babylonian captivity. The people would make the seven-hundred-mile journey back home; they would be restored. The chapter begins with Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. The phrase they shall walk seems especially significant in light of my husband’s situation, that he shall soon walk without the pain that’s plagued him. There’s more to say about the biblical symbolism of eagles, but in this verse, the original language seems to allude to feathers rather than wings and an ancient Jewish belief that when the eagle molts, his youth and vitality are restored.
My husband’s battered body will not be restored to youth in this life. Vitality, however, means strength and energy, which brings us to another definition of renewal: a return to vigor. A return of physical strength and good health. That is our prayer for his healing.
Most importantly, the verse speaks to strength renewed by waiting on, or depending on, or clinging to, the Lord. More than renewal of physical strength. It’s spiritual rehab.
That eagle, appearing on the morning after my husband’s surgery, buoyed my spirit. As did the other I saw by the road on the day I was concerned for my own health.
We continue to wait on, to cling to, the Lord as we travel this long road of recovery. Daily renewal of strength comes from nowhere else.
Let me close by saying I’m awed, anew, by His use of visual aids for the spiritual journey.
Harbingers
I. That Morning You Drove Me Home From the Medical Procedure
back country byway, winter-brown grass
trees, old gray outbuildings, zipping, zipping past
small pond clearing, wood-strewn ground
bald eagle sitting roadside—too profound—
I thought it was the anesthesia
until you saw it, too,
before it flew.
And I knew.
II. On the Morning I Returned to the Hospital After Your Surgery
lanes of heavy traffic, day dawning bright
our son says you had a painful, painful night
dew on the windshield, fog in my brain
all hope of moving past this gridlock, in vain
but for the glory of autumn leaves, a-fire
against cloudless blue where a solitary flier
glides by, white head and tail gleaming in the sun…
I promise, beloved one.
Your healing
has begun.
Bald Eagle by Gary Rothstein, NASA. Public domain.
Dear Spiritual Journey Writers: Thank you for traveling alongside me!
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lit bits and pieces 
Welcome back, say the eagles and I. Your writing drew me right in, experiencing the pain and awe with you. I hope your husband heals quickly. I had a terrible medical event in August that delayed my going back to school until the end of September. My renewal comes in teaching again. Thanks for hosting us with such a powerful post.
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Time is our friend at the moment, Margaret, and I’m grateful I’m able to be home with him in these first rough weeks. I recall your alluding to illness around the time school started and am giving thanks that you’re renewed! It is good for me to be resuming my posts again- another renewal.
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Fran, thank you for hosting this month’s Spiritual Thursday Journey. Your mention of eagles immediately made me think of one of my favorite hymns, “On Eagle’s Wings”. I believe that the fact that both your husband and you saw an eagle means you are not facing your problems alone. Your body, mind, and spirit are being renewed to help you cope. Wishing your husband a speedy recovery.
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Thank you for this lovely and thoughtful response, Bob. That beautiful hymn you mention is full of assurance of God’s love and protection, mostly from Psalm 91. The refrain in the song does match, almost exactly, the song in my heart when the eagle appeared on my way back to the hospital after my husband’s surgery:
And he will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of his hand.
-I will hold onto this, my friend. Deepest thanks.
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Fran: Thank you for hosting, prompting, and leading us with this poignant post. The eagle sighting speaks deeply to me, I have felt God’s messages via bird sightings also. I had to laugh at your “awesome use of visuals.” Yes! What did we expect??? May the healing and energy and renewal come quickly and fully.
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Thank you for these caring thoughts, Karen. We trust that physical healing is coming although it doesn’t feel like it yet. Renewal comes through day-by-day dependence, does it not? I wish I had a photo of the eagle I saw that morning after his surgery – its head was so bright in the sunlight. Glorious. I’ve never seen anything like it.
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Fran, you made me cry! Hoping and praying for your husband’s healing to continue. Your quote from Isaiah – But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint – comforts and gives strength. Thank you!
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Thank you for these words, dear Joanne! And for your prayers – the surgery was over a week ago now and my husband’s pain remains intense, but he’s walking some with the help of a walker. We are waiting on the Lord for daily renewal of strength <3. I hope you are well! Your words always lift my heart.
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Fran, what a powerful post, my friend. Here’s to endurance and renewal and a bright future for you and your husband. Harbinger is such a great word, and that eagle was truly one, a gift from God, coming ahead of you and your husband in health. Peace to you!
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Thank you for the blessings of your words and wishes, Denise! My husband’s progress will be “incremental,” the doctor told him yesterday. Pain remains severe but our hearts cling to the Lord for the daily renewal of strength. He is faithful!
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Fran, what a gift that second eagle sighting was! I don’t know anyone more invested in avian life, so it’s a great way for God to send messages to you. I love the way you captured each day in your poem, Harbingers. I will pray for healing and renewal for your husband and for you as you provide care during this difficult time.
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Thank you for your prayers and uplifting words, Ramona! I will be using the poem again in Ethical ELA’s Open Write in a couple of weeks. I am calling that day’s theme “Birdspiration,” re: truths and lessons birds have taught us. There’s an inherently spiritual quality to birds…this is why they draw me. They appear in my dreams (like the time I started dreaming in French, after 3 1/2 years of study; maybe I’m becoming fluent in Bird. I wish!!). I was awed by that eagle on that day. Isaiah’s words immediately rang in my head and my heart. I sensed a glimmer of renewal, right then, after the first night of my husband’s long healing journey. Two weeks in, the pain is still great but we celebrate what the surgeon calls “incremental progress” each day. Much peace and many blessings to you – so grateful for your thoughts.
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Fran, I am so happy that you returned to writing during Spiritual Journey. You have carried a heavy burden over the months. I feel the weariness you and your husband have felt. Your journey has been a long one to this time of year. I send prayers today to strengthen your walk, to heal your husband, and to celebrate the arrival of the eagles as a messenger from God. Your prose text leading to your poems is filled with a variety of emotions. You send messages of hope, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength.” Fear of the unknown is an unwelcome visitor on the journey. In real life terms it is a stumbling block but the eagle visitors may be the return to vigor that is so needed for your husband. Your poems bring peace. Thank you for suggesting renewal as our topic. Your leadership this November is one that provides spiritual comfort.
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Thank you for this beautiful and caring comment, Carol! I know you understand the path of a spouse trying to overcome pain and health issues. I hope and pray all your family is well. I especially appreciate your prayers as we “wait on the Lord” for renewal of strength, day by day. At the end of week two, his mobility with the walker is better and we are trying to stay ahead of the pain, for it will keep him from walking which is what he really needs to do (within reason) for healing. Many blessings to you in this glorious autumn, with the holidays approaching. We have so much to celebrate! The eagle was such a breathtaking reminder.
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Fran, I am so glad we have a deep friendship and can exchange thoughts. May your family be filled with hope. Peaceful healing wishes for your husband.
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Our friendship, the writing, the shared spiritual journey – know these are gifts I deeply treasure, Carol!
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Truly a spiritual journey of renewal, Fran – fraught with doubt, prayer, trust, and hope. I am struck by “…an infusion of strength, enough for the day.” The humility of believing a day’s strength will see us through till the next day and the next…and that this strength will carry us, until the eagle appears once again. What a gift, this gift of renewal! Thank you for sharing it with us – as a prompt, as a reflection, and as a spiritual gift from friend to friend.
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Thank you for this beautiful response, Patricia. The infusion of strength for the day…in my mind I was thinking we get what we need from the Lord as we need it. Not before, but exactly when (the eagle was such a visual representation) – or, like the manna, not to store…more like “give us this day our daily bread.” Give us this day our daily renewal. I think of birds with mouths wide open…the Lord provides. He renews. Makes all things new. Deepest thanks, again, for your words. So glad to be able to write alongside you on the spiritual journey.
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